If you've lost your faith in Love and Music, the end won't be long. Well I suppose there's still Music. The ship seems to be sailing in two directions. Why can't I decide? I don't miss what I've had, but I still search it. But why? Every time it is the same, I want the orange without the skin. There should be some kind of law of risk. For example, is it worth losing a friend by attempting to go any further? I think no. But why can't I believe that I don't need somebody? All the proof is there, me + somebody else = bad ending. I just wish I could either accept that or believe it's wrong, instead of swinging between the two and meeting my emotions on the way back. If I knew what I wanted I could look for it, but I don't. If I knew why I was so distant then I could fix it, but again I don't. I look for new hair styles, new clothes, new projects or whatever, to try and think it's a new start, but it never is because I never change. I'm fed up of me. I want to enjoy normal things like other people. Meh